TijntjeGuard
Get Protected
★★★★★ Trusted by 1 unshakeable man

Never Let a Toxic Woman Control You Again.

The #1 science-backed app to detect red flags, shut down mind games, and stay in control of your own peace — before you send a text you'll regret at 3 AM.

Download for iOS Take Back Control — It's Free

Warning: does not work if her name is Tijntje.

Live protection active TijntjeGuard app preview
🛡️ Threat dashboard
Real photo of the app (and its one impossible case) drops here — save it as tijntje-1.jpg beside this file.
0%
Success rate against Tijntje
24/7
Red flag monitoring
1
Man protected (barely)
∞
Red flags detected
Features

Shield yourself
from the friendzone.

Six defensive layers engineered to stand between you and the next bad decision. Clinically deployed. Emotionally overwhelmed.

🚩

Red Flag Radar™

Real-time detection of love-bombing, breadcrumbing, and any sentence beginning with "I hate drama." Scans in milliseconds so you don't have to trust your own judgment — because historically, you shouldn't.

🙅

Simp Mode Blocker

Physically blocks your ability to reply "haha yes sure" within 0.3 seconds of a message arriving. A mandatory 10-minute cooldown gives your dignity a fighting chance.

🧪

Toxicity Score™

AI-powered scan of her Instagram grid, captions, and gym mirror selfies. Returns a single, brutally honest number between 1 and "run."

🌙

3AM Text Shield

Intercepts inbound "you up?" messages and quarantines them until sunrise, when you have context and shame. Outbound versions are deleted before they can ruin your week.

🕵️

Player Detection

Cross-references her story viewers against a global database of suspiciously consistent gym bros. Flags patterns you were choosing not to notice.

📞

Emergency Bro Call

Auto-dials your best friend the instant you open the conversation you swore you'd stop opening. He picks up. He always picks up.

How it works

Three steps to freedom.
Results not guaranteed.

A clinically-inspired protocol refined over one very long relationship.

1

Install & assess

Grant TijntjeGuard access to your messages, your resolve, and your suspiciously specific type. We build your personal risk profile in minutes.

2

Get protected

Red Flag Radar™ goes live. Every incoming heartbreak is scored, flagged, and — where possible — intercepted before it reaches you.

3

Reclaim your peace

Sleep through the night. Reply with dignity. Achieve total emotional independence — unless, of course, it's her.

Case File · Declassified

The one threat we couldn't contain.

Every defense system has the one breach it can’t patch. This is ours.

CLASSIFIED Subject: Tijntje
📷 Subject photo redacted for developer safety.
Drop tijntje-2.jpg here.
Threat Profile

Subject: Tijntje

Threat levelMAXIMUM
ClassificationIrresistible
Weakness exploitedHer smile
Secondary vectorThe way she laughs
Countermeasures deployedAll of them
Countermeasures effectiveNone
Status: Containment failed. Developer compromised. Every alert was acknowledged and ignored. After exhaustive testing, engineering has concluded there is no red flag here — only a green one. He's keeping her. 💚
Testimonials

Loved by our entire user base.

All of him.

★★★★★

"Red Flag Radar™ pinged 47 times on my first date. I stayed anyway. Not the app's fault — genuinely a skill issue on my end."

M
Marcus V.
Beta tester, still single (thankfully)
★★★★★

"The 3AM Text Shield saved me from myself four nights in a row. On the fifth night I uninstalled it. On the sixth night I reinstalled it. It's working, I think."

D
Dylan R.
Back in control (mostly)
★★★★★

"I built this app. It has a 100% success rate on every user except one. Unfortunately that one user is me, and the one exception is her. Ship it anyway."

🛡️
The Developer
Founder · Patient Zero
Pricing

Choose your level of control.

Every plan includes a 30-day free trial and zero tolerance for mind games.

Guarded
Free
$0 / forever
  • Basic Red Flag Radar™ (misses the big ones)
  • 1 Toxicity Score™ scan per week
  • Ads for other men's mistakes
  • Gentle judgment
Start free
Most Popular
In Control
Pro
$9.99 / mo
  • Full Red Flag Radar™ + Player Detection
  • Unlimited Toxicity Score™ scans
  • 3AM Text Shield + Simp Mode Blocker
  • Emergency Bro Call (he's on standby)
  • No ads. Only accountability.
Take control
Conquered
Lifetime
$199 / once
  • Nothing.
  • If you need this tier, no app can save you.
  • Just marry her.
  • Seriously. We've seen the data.
Accept your fate
FAQ

Questions we get from our one user.

No. Nothing works on Tijntje. We've tried everything — every algorithm, every countermeasure, every stern talking-to. Red Flag Radar™ returns zero results. Turns out she was never the threat. She was the reason the developer finally felt safe.
Extremely real. Our proprietary Red Flag Radar™ runs 24/7 on dedicated heartbreak-detection infrastructure, and our team of one engineer has personally field-tested every feature at great emotional cost. The only known limitation is documented under "Does it work on Tijntje?"
TijntjeGuard is currently in permanent private beta with a strictly limited user base of one. Access requests are reviewed by our admissions team (Tijntje) and are, historically, always denied.
Extremely — we collect nothing, because there is nothing to collect. The only data point on record is that the developer is completely, hopelessly, permanently into Tijntje. That one's not encrypted. He wants everyone to know.
There was never a charge. The whole thing was free. Much like falling for Tijntje — no cost, no warning, no going back.
One last try

Take back control
of your heart today.

Join the movement of men who refuse to let toxic women run their lives. Current members: one. (Tijntje runs his life. He approved this himself.)

Download for iOS Take Back Control — It's Free

Still doesn't work if her name is Tijntje. We checked again.